Nearly three years after Frank Gruben went Missing, his loved ones hold on to hope that one day they can bring him home. They hope recent changes in territorial laws and investigative approaches can better respond to the crisis.
Frank Gruben’s mom Laura Kalinek says now is the time for change and with the new Missing persons legislation she hopes that can happen. She wants communities to have spaces for healing and remembering the lives of the Missing and Murdered. She also supports the creation of an N.W.T. based public database for missing persons cases.
“There’s so much people, there is so much going on in the world, that’s why you’ve got to be thankful everyday for everything,” says Kalinek.
“(Frank) was always so happy, he was never mean, never judgemental,” reflected Kalinek.
Kalinek remembered the day she received a phone call from a friend who told her that her son had gone missing.
“One of Frank’s friends reported it and I received the call saying my son was missing, which is very heartbreaking because he went to Fort Smith to upgrade his education in college. He just wanted to go to school.”
Frank Gruben, who had just turned 30 at the time of his disappearance, was last seen in Fort Smith on May 6, 2023.
Frank Gruben disappeared shortly after his birthday. It was supposed to have been a joyful visit and a hopeful time. Kalinek remembered that her son had told her how much he liked Fort Smith and she had looked forward to coming to visit.
“My son told me mom, you got to come to Fort Smith, it’s a beautiful place, but I didn’t expect to go over there like that, on his 30th birthday.”
Kalinek said she met her other son Steve Gruben in Fort Smith to try to find her son.
“We got thrown into Fort Smith, where we were searching for him,” said Kalinek. “It was only so many friends out of Fort Smith. There was a big group, but we had no police. We had no dogs, we had no rangers. We didn’t have the help we needed and I don’t understand why it was like that.”
“It just makes you feel like nobody cares.”
While the group did not get much help from the police in their search for Frank, Kalinek remembered the way people from across the community pulled together to help find her son.
“I’m so thankful for the people of Fort Smith that showed up and brought out their 4x4s, their drones, their boats. I don’t even know these people, but they went out helping,” said Kalinek.
Kalinek searched for days but was unable to stay longer and had to head back north. While the search continued, she tried to stay as close to Fort Smith as possible in case someone found her son.
Around the same time that her son went missing in Fort Smith, another person went missing in the city of Whitehorse, remembered Kalinek, who said the case was handled differently. She could not help but wonder if the search efforts had been mobilized in the same way for her son, he may have been found as well.
“Maybe things could have been different today.”
“I just came home and we had some gatherings outside my house. I released some lanterns on the lake with his friends. I got shirts made up with his picture on it. But it’s heartbreaking when you don’t have answers and you don’t have the appropriate help that you need, especially in searching for somebody,” said Kalinek.
Looking back at what it was like to search for Frank, Kalinek said she wants to help make sure other families and loved ones don’t have to go through the same devastating struggle.
“I just pray whoever has to go through this, in life, I pray they get the proper help they need because right now I’m struggling and I don’t know what to do,” added Kalinek.
“Now that the Missing Persons Act is out there now. Let’s get this going. We need to work together.”
The new Missing persons legislation, years in the making, was enacted in the N.W.T. this month. Kalinek said she has a lot of hope it will bring change.
With the Missing persons act, police can access information on devices like personal cell phones and other kinds of tracking information, explained Kalinek.
“Now that the Missing Persons Act is out there now. Let’s get this going. We need to work together. We also need to bring my son home,” she urged.
Kalinek said that moments to reflect and take time to heal are critical.
“It’s so important to pray, especially when you are in a situation like I am with my son.”
Her family and community has “not been the same” since Gruben’s disappearance.
“Every day I try to be happy, so I smile that’s who I am and that was exactly my son, he was always so happy, he was never mean, never judgemental,” said Kalinek.”
“He wouldn’t even be able to hurt anybody, but yet somebody hurt him,” she added.
“There’s a lot of people out there that know something.”
Kalinek urged anyone with information to come forward, reach out to police or contact Crimestoppers
“Because I’m getting information sent to me and I can’t do anything. That’s third party, you have to inform the RCMP.”
“There’s a lot of people out there that know something.”
There are few if any after care resources for families of the Missing and Murdered, especially in more remote communities in the far North.”
“It’s hard, we have no support up here. There’s other families going through other issues,” Kalinek said.
“A lot of people call me and talk to me, especially my Elders. They have told me it’s time to let him go. Now, I always wondered what ‘to let go’ means. How do we do that especially when this is your kid.”
“Now with all this happening I feel like my family is falling apart,” she added.
Kalinek says she gets through “day by day” and while she has found informal channels of support in family and friends, she has not been able to access after care supports in her community in Aklavik.
“It’s tough, especially if you have no where to go and nobody to talk to. I mean we need places in our communities for grieving. Everyone is going through something in life.”
Everyday she thinks about her son.
“My adopted daughter, she loved Frank so much. They were two peas in a pod. Now she’s got her other brother, who looks after her and I’m so thankful.”
“Prayers are powerful,” reflected Kalinek. “That’s where I get my days go by. I have a lot of good friends who are there to support me. I’m very thankful,” reflected Kalinek.
“I’ve been talking to a lot of people and it’s good to get things out there. We got to let people know (their stories), we are not going to be forgetting about Frank Gruben, or Lance Briere.”
Lance Briere went missing last February.
In both cases, the searches for the Missing, as reported by family and town officials, were mainly community-led.
Kalinek’s experience is not isolated within the N.W.T. or the country. Hundreds of Indigenous families in other parts of the country have reported similar experiences.
Kalinek said she also supports the call of advocates for a public database of missing persons like her son Frank Gruben, as one way to “get the word out.”
Cpl Josh Seaward said there is currently no provincial or territorial databases that operates in [that way]” and added that the police are open to trying new approaches.
“We are always open to exploring new tools that can assist with our investigations.”
Kalinek said that many cases of missing persons can fall under the radar because people don’t know what to do or where to go for help. “For me it was tough, I didn’t know how to reach out for help.”
And with the new Missing persons act, it’s time for “change.”
“Now the Act is in the air. Let’s get started somewhere. Now, we could do these things. That we couldn’t do before.”
